Peace

An interesting thing happened to me on Good Friday. You might not find it interesting, but I’m going to share it with you anyway. Because, well – it’s my blog.

Just some background first. I said earlier that I consider myself Christian. I was raised “Batholic” – which is what I call the schizophrenic mixture of Southern Baptist-slash-Catholic upbringing that I was given. That particularly entertaining story I’ll save for another time. Bottom line, I was baptized Catholic, and as most Catholics will tell you - once a Catholic, always a Catholic. Unless you’re excommunicated, that is. Although I manage to make it to Mass maybe only once every three or four years, and have no parish to which I belong, I am still a Catholic…though not anywhere near as Catholic as the Anchoress. All of this leads me up to the afternoon of Good Friday. Really. It does.

As I was driving home from work, I took a wrong turn. Well, not really a “wrong” turn. I just happened to find myself making an unusual turn that would wind up taking me home via a longer route. I was exhausted from the workweek and all the emotional ups and downs I’d experienced since Terri Schiavo’s feeding tube was removed. I was just too damned tired to try to fight traffic in order to find a place to turn around. So I settled in for a long drive. It’s a beautiful drive, thankfully, with lots of trees, hills, farms, and estates. Just before reaching the last turn which would take me the final few miles to my house, I passed in front of a Catholic church; one I’ve never attended but have been meaning to visit for the last two years. Okay, so I tend to procrastinate a little bit. There was a quick thought of, “oh, what the heck – it’s Good Friday.” While I didn’t exactly squeal my tires or skid sideways as I pulled into the lot, I was happy I was no longer being tailgated by the the stupid Ford F-250 that had been my unwelcome and annoying escort for most of the way. I went inside, and just sat. I wasn’t sure exactly why I was there, but I began to feel Someone had brought me there for something. So I sat and I waited in the tiny little chapel where the Blessed Sacrament is kept. Suddenly, all my grief, anxiety, anger, and frustration of the past week came bubbling to the surface with such force that my throat was immediately constricted and began to burn with tears I hadn’t cried. Then, finally, the tears came. For Terri and for her family. I tried desperately not to break into great heaving sobs, because I had noticed there were no tissues anywhere in the chapel. Oh Great! I was going to leave a little suggestion note, but had nothing to write on. So I reached instead for one of the little plastic rosaries that are provided for bad Catholics such as I who do not own one. I took it up and began to pray. And slowly, slowly, I was calmed. I stayed in the chapel for 40 minutes, just soaking in the Peace. I didn’t want to leave, but as we were expecting a housefull of friends over for a Sing (another of those strange things related to Sweat Lodges – which I also mentioned earlier), and my house was in no way tidy or ready for visitors, I couldn’t stay longer. I was dreading leaving the church. Not only because I knew housework was in my immediate future, but also because it had been a long time since I'd felt peaceful and I didn't want to lose the feeling, which I was sure would happen the moment I stepped out of the door and back into the real world. But, incredibly, surprisingly, the Peace accompanied me. All the way home, through the rest of the evening, and throughout the weekend, Peace has been with me. And, I think that’s why I was taken to the church on Good Friday. Someone knew I was burnt out and stretched beyond my limit. And, that same Someone also knew I didn’t need to be carrying all that turmoil around with me – especially this weekend. I am still praying for Terri, and her family, of course. Still hoping for a miracle. But I’m at peace now with the possibility that there may not be one – at least not of the kind I would most like to see.

So, now I'm praying for all the thousands of you out there who have been praying, lobbying, and otherwise emotionally involved in the struggle for Terri’s life. I am praying you also will heed the call when Someone beckons you aside for a few minutes to find the Center. To be reminded again of Peace.